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I'm OK!

I’m OK!

So first off, I want to say this is going to be a two-parter cause it’s a long story, so you need to read part two next blog. It’s a short little story (not!) with a happy ending (is!) so it will be worth your while, I promise!

But, let me get this out of the way. This is a blog about cancer. I know it is a horrible disease that takes so many lives and devastates those who have it and families and loved ones of those that are near it. My mother died of cancer among other complications. As did way too many of my family and friends. It came and went more than once for her. She fought it, had uterine cancer, surgery, radiation, lots of things but was fine. Many years later she had a lung removed but lived for many years after that. It came back again a year after her getting through heart valve replacement surgery and having a horrible car accident, so she may be gone, but she is certainly not forgotten and was a trooper and a fighter and I know she would laugh at this too. (Love you mom!xxxooo say hi to dad, miss you both terribly)

This is the story of my cancer. A much luckier scenario than so many others. But, please, I don’t want anyone to be offended by the humorous touch on such a horrible subject. Laughter is the best medicine and humor is how I handle everything in my life, the good the bad and the ugly.

A few years ago, I found out I had cancer but they caught it early so I’m good. Very lucky. Thanks for the applause, but I can’t take the credit, I couldn’t have done it without the CANCER…. Really, I could have done WITHOUT the cancer…but thank you, thanks for the support… There’s a reason for everything, and thank god for cancer, cause I finally wrote 20 new minutes of material after 20 years. No, seriously, I was so lucky. Except for the part where they tore out all my womanly innards, but parts is parts and when ya can’t use em, ya gotta lose em. Speaking of parts, I think this is gonna be a three-parter.

As soon as I found out, I started telling other comics and everyone I talked to either had their own cancer story or told me about another comic with cancer and I started freaking out. I couldn’t believe how many comics currently have or have had cancer. Then I realized what it was…. it’s the comedy clubs. They’re toxic…. I just want to warn you people, we comics gotta stop working and you need to stop coming here. It’s too friggin dangerous!!! Please step away from the club!!! OK, I kid, don’t stop. Laughter is the best medicine, in fact if you have an illness. Run. Immediately… to your nearest comedy club and get your “meds”. Laugh till it hurts, I swear, you’ll feel better. I’ve many times talked about the author Norman Cousins and his book Anatomy of an Illness. How he helped heal himself of cancer through humor. Good read, check it out.

Anywho…..long story short, so as not to upset the guys with a lot of girly girl talk, I had endometrial endometrial cancer. (uterine cancer). First thing I thought was….Whats a yute (thank you” My Cousin Vinnie ” fans) Actually, like mother, like daughter.

So, I had to have a total hysterectomy, which personally I think should be called a hersterectomy , not a his-terectomy, if you want the name, you take the blame….. if it’s gonna be a his-terectomy, then lets pull your organs out, hey hey hey, I didn’t mean right now mister!! Put that back, or get a room!

So first things first, how I found out…I had some issues. Never ignore your issues. The signs are there and you need to pay them mind!! And that I am MOST serious about. Please don’t ever hesitate going to your doctor if you feel something is wrong. No matter what it is, better safe than sorry always. Don’t self-diagnose. Better to hear “you’re an absolute idiot and a hypochondriac” than “if only you’d have come in sooner”. I am an idiot, but I went in early.

So, I had a little spotting. Nothing really but when you are my age, and you don’t have periods anymore, spotting is an issue. We thought maybe it was an adjustment in my bio-identical hormones. I was taking them for my menopause, which again what are you doing in our “things” it should be wo-menopause, or girlopause, or the pause that refreshes. If you call sweating like a pig refreshing. Yes, lovely menopause, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t remember anything. I know I just sneezed, so think I just peed. Oh do we even want to go there? We start out in diapers, we end up in diapers. We pee, we have no memory, and we sag. I have wings. On a good blustery day, I can spread my arms and hit about 50 miles an hour. And peeing, fuhgedaboudit!! I shop, I cough, I pee, I run to the car. But the point is there is no men in menopause, well actually there are men in male menopause so I guess I should rewrite this but I won’t!! Let them suffer as we do! Hot flashes… oh this is a whole ‘nother blog!

So back to my original thought… oh yeah, by the way, menopause means you can’t concentrate on one thing at a time either. Have ya noticed that, when you read my blogs? In fact, who left this blog just to pee, ended up looking for something in the fridge, didn’t know why they were even looking in the fridge, closed the door, then said, what did I just put back and do I want some more? Then remembered you were reading something and then tried to find your glasses, thought they might be in the car, opened the door to go out to the car, saw the mail and brought in the bills, started going through them, then remembered you went outside for something else, went out to figure out what, saw the snow shovel and gloves you left out, put them away, came back found your reading glasses hanging on a chain around your neck, and remembered you were reading my blog and now hours later, you’re back??

Good for you, cause I left to go pee too and have been playing with the dog, having a refreshing beverage, decided to go out and clean the dog poop since he won’t do it himself although I keep trying to teach him, and just got back myself. Welcome back to us both!

And that is exactly why this will be a three-parter. In fact, it may be a four-parter now that I’m traveling the roads of my brains nook and crannies. Cause I haven’t even gotten anywhere yet and this is almost time to quit.

In fact, anyone remember what the hell I was saying? Oh yeah, spotting. See, I do eventually find my way back. So the original thought, adjusting my hormones for the spotting, that didn’t do anything. So then, she sent me for an ultra sound, and that showed fibroids. So my doc, a great gal that I love and respect, says we can do a myomectomy. That is a surgery used to remove fibroids and part of the uterus. But since most fibroids are not cancerous and many women have them, I said how bout just cleaning? I don’t want to dump any parts yet. So it was onward for a d and c… for you guys, that’s a spring cleaning, sweeping the womb, vacuuming the house….whatever.

So after I wake up from the d and c, feeling awesome, my doc says, everything looks great, went well, and she will send it to the lab. And home I go for a meal. Even though they already gave me lemonade and cookies. Never skip a meal, worse than skipping an issue.

The next day I’m going to a birthday party for my 85 year old aunt and in the car, on the way, I get the call that they found cancer. Damn those cell phones. Sometimes I yearn for the days when you left the house and you left your communication behind. Nobody texting you, emailing you, calling you. You were just out of contact for a while. Today the kids sit right next to each other and text, oh my god, look up and just speak, how insane is that? We were totally out of touch, incommunicado, when we were your age, walking to school, uphill, both ways, in the snow, barefoot,OMG, Now I am my mother!!! And now that I’m saying it, how did we live like that?? I remember as a young comic going out to road gigs and getting lost and having to get even more lost by getting off a highway and looking for a phone booth in some secluded area where you knew freddie, or jason, or one of those freaks was just waiting for you to get out of your car all alone and chase you with an axe all the way to the comedy club.

Anyway, the doctor calls (and of course now my cell phone goes into my dashboard so anyone in the car hears your conversation) but it was just me and the hubby, and the doc tells me they found cancer and I freak out a little, just a little, AARRGGGGHHHH!!!! Luckily I wasn’t driving or other people would have had more problems than me. Now what? I certainly don’t want to ruin this great old gal’s party we are going to which means I have to pretend everything is fine. So of course what would you do? I started DRINKING!!!!! I don’t mean as a career. I didn’t crawl in a bottle and now this is my AA intervention story. I just mean for getting through this party.

I drank to forget, to try and party, to not ruin the party, and hoped I wouldn’t drink so much that I said obnoxious stupid things like “stop having fun, I have cancer, what is wrong with you people????” But I didn’t, I just drank to take the edge off, to try and have a good time and celebrate the great life aunty had and prayed I would live as long and have as great a life as she did. But you do question it all. Why me? Or really why anyone? As we all know, sometimes it just happens. I don’t care what you eat, what you drink, whatcha do, that damn cancer just shows up. Good person, old person, healthy person, young person, a$$h@le!! Anyone can get it. You should definitely try to do all the right things for your body, but you can’t blame anything or anyone when it happens. I’m healthy, I don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 45 years. WHY ME? Well, my mom fought it, so would I. It’s a negative waste of energy. Half the battle is attitude I believe. So I started thinking, cancer shmancer, ahfungoo, which loosely translated means….up yours! Of course, I think that was the alcohol speaking.

So I get through the party, drunk as a skunk and stressed to the max. No one knows but my husband, and the party is over, kisses and hugs, keep my mouth shut, and home I go. I immediately get scheduled for tests. I was going in for an MRI which if you’ve had one, is kinda like being in one of those road runner cartoons where some giant bird is whacking the sides of a bell with a huge sledge hammer while your head is inside. beep beep. The good news is, they let you wear headphones to listen to music and try to drown out the beating. Yeah, that helps, you can still hear the stressed anxiety overdriven beat of your heart!

OK, back to the mri, yes, it’s cancer, yes, they found it, now go and get it! Right now. KILL, Kill, Kill my cancer, Kill my cancer. (Please use the proper Eddie Murphy voice when saying that! LOL. But the decision was to take everything out, ya just never know when that one pesky vicious freakin’ cancer cell sneaks into the pond, swims upstream and decides to pollute the waters of my ovaries.

So I am scheduled for surgery within 3 days. And of course, now I’m on the computer everyday (trying to get my medical degree) by looking up everything I can about cancer…because I am a doctor, or at least I could play one on TV….. anyway I’m trying to find out what it is, how’d I get it, what can I do, what are the stages, who can I call, and are there alternative forms of treatment, and my HMO said, yes there are alternative forms of treatment. but you’ll need to find alternative forms of payment……thank you very much, helpful as always.

OK, this is it for now…. To be continued…. Stop the presses…..Stay tuned. See ya next week, same bat time, same bat station.

Oh and by the way, Have a Very Happy Easter or Passover everyone!!

AAARRRGGG

AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!

So lets see if I can actually write anything on this tablet. I’m jewish, a tablet was always something moses brought down from the mountain. Or something a wife took when she didn’t want to be with her hubby at night… “Not tonight Morris, I have a headache, I need to take a tablet”. I am writing on my new ipad, what a trip, but thats next weeks blog. How will that relate to my health you ask? I have a headache trying to figure it out, so there ya go.

Anyway today I want to talk about my bad eyeballs. It all started out when I got my new glasses. I’ve worn glasses for the last 50 years. Been through all the styles, all the trends. Tiny John Lennon wire frames to cat eyes to looking like George Burns. But this day I found THEM. Fabulous frames if I so say so myself. I found them in a store in New York City. Of course NY has the hippest greatest shops ever. You try on six gazillions pair going from looking studious to cute to “is that my insane aunt Ethel with the oversized magnified owl glasses looking back at me?” But I found my pair. Unbelievably perfect for my face. Unfortunately, too believably expensive for my wallet. So I left them in the store and started my research. Who made them. Who else sold them. How do I get them cheaper Ya da ya da ya da, my favorite saying as my followers know, long story short I found them, I bought them, I loved them. Took them to LensCrafters where they have made my glasses for years and in one day voila! I can see again. Or so I thought. My right lens was off. Everything was a little blurry and it was driving me crazy. I went back, complained and they remeasured and remade. Easy peasy. Gotta love glasses in an hour. I’m doing the old cover one eye, read the street sign. Cover the other eye, look at the poster. Read close, stare far, watch tv, cover your eye. I was my own eye doctor. “Better this way? Or this way…better? Worse?” Again I was getting really aggravated with them. How could they screw up twice? But they did, so back I went again.

Great guy my doc trying to figure it out, checking it twice just like Santa and yet again he changed my prescription. When that didn’t help he said “hate to say it but it looks like you have cataracts and I want you to go see a specialist. Ya know getting old is a matter of fact no getting around it, and at your age it will only get worse”. So I found a new ophthalmologist. He told me the same thing. I hate everyone.

So off I went to the surgical eye center where they promptly gave me even more tests and had the nerve to tell me I had cataracts in BOTH eyes, oh someone shoot me now! Now I feel twice as old. They said, ok here are your options. One, we can remove the cataracts and you will go back to your same vision you used to have (near sighted, far sighted and major astigmatism) but just wear glasses again and the surgery is covered by insurance and you’re back to normal. Or, and we recommend, removing cataracts and replacing the lens with corrective lenses and you won’t need glasses anymore. Now I’ve worn them all my life, used to wear contacts till they drove me insane and I’d rather have a root canal than put those broken pieces of glass in my eyes again. I know they have improved, they are disposable, thin like saran wrap on your eyeballs, but they still irritate my sensitive orbs. Anyway, to get the corrective lenses for astigmatism surgically put in, the surgery is covered, the lenses are 1500 bucks a piece. That should have been my first clue to run screaming into the night noooooooooooo! But I talked to my doctor, (yes the original who knows I’m an old fart ) and my hubby and my friends who all said the same thing..do it! What an opportunity, you’ll be so glad, you have beautiful eyes, get rid of those spectacles, you’ll look younger, do it! ok, so I do it… we all want to do it right? Surgery, no biggie to tell the truth. Better eyes, look younger? I’m in!! I’ve already had my ovaries ripped out, what’s a little cataract removal? Again, another blog.

Well, it’s a one day in and out, it’s like getting a colonoscopy, they just put ya “under” but it’s not “really under”. The problem for me… I wasn’t even “sorta under”, I had two surgeries, both eyes, went for the whole magilla. The first anesthesiologist, gave me the IV, I felt woozy, thought this will be good, feeling a little drunk, whoo whooo, and BAM, I feel him stick a needle in my eye. I literally said “What the f#@k? That didn’t feel good.” Talk about an understatement. (Which not to scare anyone, that is not supposed to happen, And no one I’ve talked to has ever felt that, and when i had my other eye done, I didn’t feel a thing!! and even this BAM, I was pretty sure it would have been a way bigger bam without the IV but it was a weird shocking BAM none the less) Anyway, everything was calm, shadowy, you’re aware, but not. Then it’s over, you wake up with a. Wonky eye, and you see like a fly out of that eye. Unfocused, blurry, sorta double vision. Then they put drops and keep watch and then put a clear plastic bulbous patch. I looked like an insane pirate. See picture above.

So it’s a week of don’t sleep on that side, don’t rub your eye, don’t lift anything, don’t cough, don’t sneeze, (how the hell do you stop yourself from sneezing?) and you know as soon as they say that it’s gonna happen. They even tell you don’t strain on the toilet? Really? So just sit there till it comes out on it’s own? Well, how bout, don’t even get out of bed, what the hells the point… lets eat… so I babied myself and ate like a pig. One week later I’m in for the next eye. I mentioned the needle in the eye thing, like if i feel that again, I’m kicking someone in the cajones… I don’t even know how to spell cajones I just tried not to say nuts, oh nuts. it’s want I said, nuts. Anyway, this guy knocks me out it was awesome one minute I’m there, the next I’m not…then I’m up and I say really that’s it, over? Wow, you are good!!!! And they say, well, no, the dr. is running late, he’s very backed up. I’m thinking I don’t care if he can’t take a dump what about my eye? So now he’s ready for me and I’m wide awake and yelling, more drugs !! put me out!! And they’re saying, your eye is blocked, totally gone, no pain, no feeling, you can be awake… so I figured what the hell, go for it. This should be a trip. So this time I’m wide awake, I get on the table/chair, they strap you down, draping my face with some material, and the whole time, I’m making jokes and he’s saying shut up you’re moving your face, oh really then give me some more DRUGS cause I’m a nervous wreck and I cant stop talking!! But actually, it was pretty darn cool, I was up for the whole thing, felt like water or something being poured on my eye, but other than that, totally painless and you really can’t see what they’re doing cause you kinda blind! But you know they are doing something, cause it’s surgery for gods sake… LOL…

Anyway, again, long story short, which this so obviously isn’t… as I heal, my one eye is not quite as clear as the other. Now I do have to mention that 2 days after surgery, that bitch Sandy, the storm of the century hits and now I’m healing without power, water, heat, and yep, that is not easy to keep up the things I have to do, but I do it cause that’s the kinda gal I am!!! Anyway, i heal, but I just don’t think that eye is clear like the other. I keep complaining about that and telling them and they say give it time to heal. It’s a week behind the other eye, it will catch up. Well, after bitching worse than Sandy, for almost 3 months and being home for a couple of those, I go back to my original dr. for a check up and he agrees that one eye is off. The right eye is almost 20/20, the left eye is about 85% of that. He says, no problem I can give you a contact lens to make it perfect. So I paid 3000 bucks for surgery to not wear glasses or lenses, to have to pay 30 bucks a month for the rest of my life to wear a lens that I had the surgery for so I wouldn’t have to wear a lens? Are you frigging kidding me?????? But he gives me a lens to try and lo and behold that eye is magically delicious, even better than the other one.

So back this bitching complaining hag goes to the surgeon again and they tell me that a lot of times, it’s just a few degrees off, just a minimal difference in eyes, and proceed to tell me I could just wear a contact lens. That’s when I lost it…. LOOK AT MY EYE !!!! Something is not right!! I am not an animal!!!!!! Ok, I wasn’t quite that obnoxious, they finally check it out, dilate my eye, look around in there, and sure enough, the one lens has rotated out of position. This is extremely unusual they tell me so of course my luck it has happened to me. It’s not a minor move either, it’s significant enough that they say I can only correct it by a surgical repositioning or lasix, where they change the shape of your eye with lasers. But he says, “It’s been almost 3 months and there might be too much scar tissue” but I opt for them to go take a look and they do, and it’s fixable so they put it back into position and send me home again. So now I have to go back to work on the cruise ship. Oh yeah, bad timing to say the least. They couldn’t listen to me and do it when I told them months ago to do it? I’m back to work on a ship, and I’m healing, so I can’t work out or pick up my bags at the airport, or sleep on my left side on the prison cot in the wall that I use for a bed. (Well, that’s how it feels!) I can’t let the shower hit my eye and I’m in a shower the size of my back seat. I can shower, shave, and pee all at the same time without moving. If I bend over to pick up the soap I flush the toilet with my butt. So how do i avoid the water in my eye. Let’s just say it’s not ideal conditions for healing.

And my hair color …oh puhleeze, I have gray roots longer than my arm, and I can’t use chemicals, I can’t wear eye make-up so I am one ugly duckling entertaining the cruisers. I look like i just got done floating on a piece of wood blowing a whistle behind the ship.
But where’s my diamond??? Anyway, so now here I am again, covering my eye… better? like this? or like this? squinting and so nervous that I’m still in the same boat… so to speak, oh I love when that happens. Ha! I still think it’s healing, it’s only been a week and a day, but it’s still not quite as clear, but i’m assuming it’s still all swelled up or squished in or whatever the hell happens inside your eyeball after surgery. And I have my appointment when I get back on dry land.

But here is the kicker, the other thing they mentioned but I wasn’t really thinking it through, didn’t take it too seriously, they said, you will never need glasses again, but you will need reading glasses. So I’m picturing having those little cute reading specs in my purse for menus in the restaurant and such. But noooooooo. I cannot see anything close to my face, so now I have them dangling off a chain around my neck like my grandma used to wear. It is my permanent string of pearls. It is the “accent” to every outfit I wear. Cause I can’t see my fingernails, I can’t type, I can’t read the directions on a can or the label on a box. I can’t change the channels on TV cause I can’t see the numbers on the remote in my hand. I have a pair of readers in every room of the house because if I forget to put them on, there better be a pair where ever I am. I’ve already lost a pair of expensive rayban sunglasses cause when I have the readers on, and I have to put on sunglasses, the readers go down, then the sunglasses go down, they don’t have a string, so I’m leaving them where ever. So when all is said and done, I am still wearing glasses. And the worst of it? I loved my glasses! They were the perfect pair, the hippest ever, they made me look good, I have been hiding behind my glasses for over 50 something years and I looked younger. You couldn’t see my wrinkles, you couldn’t see my dark circles, you couldn’t see my bags when I drank too much. WHAT DID I DO???? I WANT MY GLASSES!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAH….

Well, the story is almost over, I’ll report back when my eye heals, but I have to say one thing, someone came up to me the other day and said “what color are your eyes? they’re so pretty, like a brown/green” Hmmmmm no one has ever seen my eyes before…….

 

I  live in New Jersey. Nuff said as to what have you been doing recently.  When people ask me how we made out in the storm, I feel so guilty saying we lost power for ten days and had no real damage to speak of, a downed arbor, broken gate, etc. More an inconvenience than a catastrophe. Because we were the lucky ones. Just minutes or miles away, we see images of mass destruction.

 

I have neighbors only houses away that had their homes destroyed. A tree dropped in the middle of a roof, smashing in the upstairs. As they sat downstairs, (where they would have had dinner with family, the marshal said, “get out of this house it isn’t safe” so they left. And moments later, the tree continued down into the dining room. Disaster avoided, but leaving devastation that will take months to fix so they can return home.

 

I have many neighbors with the same problems and wreckage. So yes, I had no hot water and heat and lights, but what the hell… now I’m back to my normal routines.

 

So what do ya do? Lots of people feel the same way. We all want to help, but did not know where to begin, do I donate money, time, and to who, there is so much devastation everywhere on the east coast. Families in need, pets lost, injuries, even death. It’s horrible. This picture was homes standing.

Now, my sister and brother in law live on Staten Island. And they too were lucky and only lost power for so many days and had no damage to their property. But my brother in law and both his sons are cops. And my sister in law has worked with the catholic schools there for years.  And the things they’ve seen, the stories they’ve told,  and the pictures they showed are heart wrenching. I think people didn’t realize what was going on over there on this little island. I heard about the horrifying stories coming out of that neighborhood not only from them but from fellow animal rescuers, relatives and friends and neighbors of relatives.

 

One gal wrote about a friends family member swimming his way to safety when his home filled with 9 feet of water, homes leveled, bodies of people and animals being found..During the hurricane, I was very out of touch, no tv, a radio with batteries I was afraid to use up so I listened very little. No gas, so I went nowhere.  I knew it was bad there, but not how bad.  I had wonderful friends and neighbors that let us sleep over in front of their fireplace. I brought the old man, no not my hubby, my old dog. 14, old and pretty decrepit and huge, but his stinky butt  was welcomed  too! The hubby works for at&t and put in over 100 hours working that week, so I was pretty much alone. but with great friends it was easy!

 

But it seemed Staten Island was truly the “lost borough” of NYC.  I know the shore suffered so, long island and omg, the rockaways. But only in the last day or so did people finally seem to realize what was happening on the forgotten isle of staten, seemingly isolated and alone in the storm.  Now, the stories are beyond words, the loss of lives and people’s pasts and futures demolished, the island unrecognizable…

 

So usually my actions, and abilities as a comic are thrown in the mix for the animals of this world, abused, abandoned, shelters and rescues needing funds, transports needing drivers, home visits, whatever I can do. And I know pazoo, this great site I write for, has it’s groups and foundations they work with. But since I have a personal connection to Staten Island, I would like to pass this along in my blog.

My sister in law works for the archdiocese in NY. I have offered to do a comedy fundraiser for them, and I’m sure that will take place in the near future and I’ll keep ya all posted, and post it on facebook. But for now, she passed a letter on to me from the schools she works with. The principals are besides themselves with despair. So I am printing her letter and asking you to please pay this forward to anyone you know. They were hit very hard there by Hurricane Sandy.  17,000 homes were affected on Staten Island, most have to be condemned. The children lost their homes and with it all of their belongings including necessary school uniforms, shoes, school books, bags and supplies. They have been frantically trying to help them and give them a sense of safety and normalcy during their school day.

 

So here I am the little Jew asking for all of you to help them.  Ain’t that the greatest! Cause we are all people and that’s the bottom line. Love, Light, and healing Energy to all of you after and during this trying time.

 

The following is the letter describing a program that they have put into place on Staten Island. I am not asking you to donate, (unless you want to just please spread the word and “pay this blog” forward.

 

She

 

The Catholic School community of Staten Island, New York has been blessed to receive offers of assistance from around the nation in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. The outpouring of prayers and support bolsters our spirit incredibly during this trying time.

Hurricane Sandy impacted our 24 elementary schools serving over 8,000 students – as well as our seven high schools, faculty, staff, and families – to varying degrees. Our principals continue to uncover the full extent of the storm’s damage on members of their school communities. The Staten Island Catholic Schools Office is compiling a list of the families and staff members who have suffered losses of homes, property, and livelihoods, as well as the needs of those affected.

In the storm’s immediate aftermath, we received an outpouring of supplies, clothing and medical help from various agencies and individuals. However, as emergent needs are now met and we move into a phase of protracted recovery, at this point our families require financial assistance as they work to rebuild their homes and their lives.

 

Appropriately, the Catholic Schools Office has established an account to accept monetary donations. This account will enable us to provide assistance to the families who have lost so much, yet wish to keep their children in a Catholic school, while also attending to their immediate needs.

 

We ask that you would extend your support by contributing to this account. All financial donations should be made payable to: The Staten Island Federation of Catholic School Parents.

Please direct donations to the attention of:

 

Zoilita M. Herrera, Regional Superintendent

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic School Region of Staten Island

15 Lisbon Place

Staten Island, NY 10306

 

On behalf of all of our Catholic school students, families, teachers and administrators on Staten Island, I thank you. We are truly humbled by your generosity.

 

Sincerely,

 

Zoilita M. Herrera Regional Superintendent

 

So this is all about me…. as usual… actually this time I have to start out telling you the truth about my memory…what memory you ask?… well that is exactly correct. I wrote this blog this morning, posted it and voila! I posted wrong, it disappeared, and I think they heard me screaming at the north pole. So, with that being said…. And I probably won’t remember that I said it…..I will see if I have any recall left…and let the real blog begin….let me get my coffee

If you are reading our credentials then you already know that even though I do acupressure on pets and their people, I am first and foremost a comic. I love what I do, I love who I help, and know that laughter is the best medicine always!! But today I want to talk about exercise. But remember, laughter is good exercise too. It’s like jogging on the inside.

But today,  I wanted to talk about exercise and how much more fun it is to do with a buddy. (Please watch the video exercising with a buddy after you read this blog, it’s sooooo cute!) Well, ok, if you have to, watch it now and come back! The truth is, sometimes you don’t have the time to work out, and sometimes you just feel like ya need a break from working out. And sometimes you are just a lazy slob slug in the rug looking for an excuse to not work out! That would be me, occasionally. And that would be everyone, occasionally.  I mean once I’m in the groove, I love it. Can’t keep me away from the zumba! I’d rather zumba than eat, and that’s saying something, there is not much else I would rather do than eat. Oh yah, love it!! I Love lifting weights, love lifting heavy objects… and occasionally thinking of throwing them at someone… naaahhhhh!

But here is the problem. The last couple of months I’ve had a lot of small medical issues. Nothing major but combined with my time issues, the exercise thing got away from me…

When I’m on a cruise ship, which I am a lot, I exercise quite a bit. First of all, there is absolutely no reason to take the elevator. There are usually at least 10 floors, and if you take the stairs, it’s more exercise than you can imagine. I work out regularly and still am breathless by the fifth floor. And feel especially old as I watch the little whipper snappers, and yes, I called them whipper snappers, running up and down the stairs like monkeys on a tree, practically pushing us old folks out of the way. More energy than a locomotive…able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… oh sorry, TV trivia seeping out.  But, anyway, since there is really not much else I do on the ship because I work the shows, I go up and down all day long, to the buffet, of course! I eat. It’s what I do…it’s what everyone does on a ship…. many many times a day!  So basically, if I didn’t run the stairs, and go to the gym,  I would have nothing TO DO but eat! And there is more continuous food at all times on a cruise ship.  You can easily gain 5 lbs or more on a cruise, as anyone that’s cruised knows! And I cruise all the time, not just once or twice a year, so I would have a butt that would sink a ship, literally! Wow, that would be weird, to have charges brought against me… “for sinking a ship with thighs the size of Cleveland.”

But back to the point. So I got off the ship and figured I had worked out quite a bit and was leaving town for a wedding, so I didn’t work out. Then I went to the wedding, was gone for a week, so I didn’t work out. Then I got home and had gum surgery. A gum graft, so I didn’t work out. (They told me I couldn’t) Then before I healed, I broke my toe…..so…. I couldn’t work out…and now we are at the 2 month mark and I just got cataract surgery and they said, don’t work out…soooooo, I HAVEN’T WORKED OUT!!  And I feel AWFUL!! You just don’t realize until you stay away from it, how much you really miss working out.  You just can’t know how much better you feel when you get your body in motion. I don’t care if it’s just walking in the neighborhood, or taking a strenuous dance class, you have to move… like jagger.. well, you know what I’m talking about. It keeps ya alive, it keeps you mentally active along with physically stronger. It gets those endorphins going.  And let us not forget to be happy while we exercise. Enjoy yourself, enjoy the push, the pain, the euphoric feeling.

But if you are stuck in a rut, and make excuses then get a work out partner! Having a workout partner can mean the difference between success and failure when it comes to your fitness goals. Unless you’re consistently a highly motivated self-starter, your chances of sticking to a long-term fitness plan without a partner are significantly lower than they are with a partner.

1. The Time Goes by Faster

Working out with a friend or family member can make your workout time go by much more quickly. When you work out alone, it’s easy to watch the clock and feel the time drag by. When you’re able to chat with a workout partner and catch up on each other’s lives, and gossip and dish everyone around you… look at the abs on that guy… look at the flab on that girl….oh crap is that me in that mirror? Then, as you exercise, the time will fly by.

2. You Can’t Stand-up your Workout Partner

When you answer to no one but yourself, it can become a habit to cancel a workout after a long, busy day because you feel tired or because you feel that it’s a waste of time. “Hello?  Me? I am not gonna make it today, you work out without me. See ya next time” You may think that canceling one workout won’t hurt you, but if you cancel even one session, it can be more difficult to get back into the habit because you may decrease your endurance. I’m here to tell ya, now that I’ve missed 2 frigging months of work out. HELP!!  If your workout partner is counting on you to be there for an exercise session, you’ll be less likely to cancel.

3. You Can Help Each Other with Time

Another reason you may not meet your fitness goals on your own is that you can’t find the time. If you have to arrange a babysitter while you work out, or you have a project due, or you can’t imagine having to cook a dinner before or after your workout session, it can become easy to cancel the workout. But if you have a workout partner, you can coordinate your schedules. You can both share a babysitter or you can take turns cooking for each other and/or both families, or do the smart thing and make your husbands take you out to eat..

4. You’ll Feel Better with Positive Feedback

It’s difficult to view yourself objectively. When it comes to your fitness progress, you may not notice how your strength and endurance is improving or that you’ve lost weight or gained muscle tone over time. When I look in the mirror, I still see fat me even if I’ve lost weight. Your partner can be a positve person in your life and remind you of your progress so far. “You look Mah-velous!” We all need to be validated! (Your car is in Row 6B) Having that validation can help bolster your self-esteem and keep your motivation levels high.

5. You Can Celebrate Your Successes

Celebrating your progress alone isn’t as much fun as it is with a partner. You and your partner can set goals for yourselves and celebrate every few weeks after you’ve met those goals. Take a night off from work and stress and celebrate at the movies or a bar or at a mall. Yeah, Drink and Eat those calories back on… it will be so much fun getting them back off. Well, that’s not exactly what I mean, but a treat to keep ya going is so worth it.

Of course, there is the possibility that your workout partner can be a negative influence on your fitness progress if you choose someone who doesn’t respond to your encouragement, belittles your progress and won’t commit. That’s why you don’t work out with your husband or wife! KIDDING!! Sorta….Search until you find a competent, positive partner for your fitness regimen. And that brings us back to the video… the perfect partner to work out with!!!

 

So today will be a very sad day indeed for me, and I’m crying as i write this. I will have to help one of my wonderful dogs, Badaboom, brown long haired shepherd,  cross over the rainbow bridge. It is always so hard when we have to make the decision to end their life. There are so many things to consider. When you have no choice, if they are truely at lifes end, it is hard enough but you do what you have to.

But when you are weighing pros and cons and justifiying and hesitating it is awful. The main thing here is her pain. She is a typical shepherd with such a stoic attitude, she will barrel thru anything, even as we took walks in her wheelcart, as she limped along, she would see another dog and get a burst of enery pulling the cart and spinning the wheels and you could just hear her screaming, “get back here… I’ll kill you, you can’t run from me”  and then she would be exhausted and even more lame and i could barely get her home. But, oh, what a moment of fun for her!

But she still loves life, she has a great appetite, loves to have someone play with her, belly rubs, tug of war (from a laying down position) her cookies, her treats, sleeping in bed with us, laying next to her best bud Badabing. But she can no longer get around without pain. She has Degenerative Myelopathy (in the rear legs) and they are very weak,  and the front leg has a tumor (cancerous) that we opted not to treat except for pain pills, because she also has hip and elbow dysplasia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hip_dysplasia_(canine) that she has dealt with since she is 6 months old, she is now 13, pretty damn old for such a big dog.  But she would end up with one good leg, so what’s the point.

I have to say, we have kept her going and pain free for all these years with natural products and accupressure. http://www.therapeuticacupressure.com/home/  My hubby and I are both certified for people and use the same modality on our dogs. It has helped them tremendously and made for a very long happy life. I will talk about it more in another blog. It is a wonderful alternative therapy that you can use in conjunction with western medicine. Always take your pets to the vet for care and immunizations, but adding other natural modalities is always helpful.

Anyway, at this point, she is so wobbly on the rear legs, can no longer put the right foot down and is in constant pain, and on pain meds that can only help with the pain, not take it away anymore, and it’s is so unfair to keep her going like that even tho I want to. It is selfish and not in her best interest, even tho she seems to want to be around too. But at what cost, she cannot get up and down without crying, my husband carries her up and down our stairs, and in and out of our bed, it is time and i am dealing with it.

I feel even worse for her best bud Badabing, black lab/newfie X,

who will be so lonely and confused without her, he is 14 and has arthritis and is a big fat bastard that we love, but we will comfort him and help him, and keep on giving him his IGM sessions and eventually get him another pal. At this point, just getting thru the day will be hard enough for all of us.

If any of you have the same dilemma, my heart goes out to you, and I hope all the pets we love that cross the bridge can party like they want to while they wait for us on the other side. Love you miss boomie… wait for Bing… kisses and hugs, mom and dad. :(

Well, i’m off again to my very first ship I ever worked, the elation. (which actually was only 2 months ago)  Hope to see everyone there, i believe we have a new cruise director, and if any “frequent  boaters” are back on board, please come say hi.

I’m leaving monday for progresso and cozumel again. Love diving there with my fabulous divemaster Alejandro Moldenado (Alex) from Cozumelbesdives http://www.cozumelbestdive.com/eng/about_us.cfm  thanks so much for the fun!

Here i am all geared up!

Diving Diva

 

And here are a couple of hitchhikers in the middle of the ocean, how they got here, i have no idea….but boy, are their wings tired!!!! Check please, try the veal, we’ll be here all night!!

hitchhikerhitchhiker

and a few of my new freinds… dead or alive!

us and them thar piratesus and them thar pirates

 

 

 

just a momentary stop in grand cayman. took a couple of shots with my new phone… wtf… i can’t figure out how to work the stupid thing… anyway, the very very tall man is going into show biz. just graduated from school in orlando… Charles Haney… you go boy and get me a part….

the handsome man with the baby is  grandpa willie and drooly julie the cutest thing ever!!d if these pics don’t show, i will do it when i get back to tampa, i MUST go to the beach!!!!  Diving in Cozumel tomorrow whoo whoooooooo!!

 

So we headed out for a nice bike ride to the barley creek brewery just the other side of the gap in tannersville PA and got caught in an UNBELIEVABLE hail/lightening/downpour!!!! the boys had rain gear, my sister in law Di and I were a couple of drowned rats but we still went on the to the brewery and drank and ate…. ya just can’t stop us from having fun!!!!

stopping for the storm to pass…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

didn’t work!!! LOL

omg what an awesome night. of course i didn’t take one single picture!! Beat me with a wet leash… But, I did take video and as soon as i can, will download and edit out some stuff and post it. We had a standing room only, fabulous, amazing night. The comics were outstanding, the audience was awesome, we raised almost $4000 for the Plainfield Area Humane Society! If I was a dog I’d be howling at the moon….ahroooooo!! I couldn’t have done it with out all my wonderful friends and helpers. Steve you Rock!!! Frank, you should have worked for the pony express, your’ better than the post office! Valerie thank you for the push, the courier for the wonderful article, the star ledger, all the animal lovers The Dunellen theater is so cool, what a great place… I could go on and on but I’m hung over and exhausted. (Two big parties yesterday and no food or drink for me till after the show, then Frank and Terry opened thier house and party back up at midnight to get me drunk… thank god i only live 5 houses away… holy crap batman, he makes a mean orange cosmo!!  OK, MUST GET COFFEE!!!!!!

COFFEE

 

 

 

Ok, everyone, here is an article from the Courier News on My Central NJ. for the benefit we are doing this saturday night at the Dunellen Theatre for The Plainfield Area Humane Society. Come on down and join the fun!!!!

http://www.mycentraljersey.com/article/20120514/NJNEWS10/305120013/Comedians-participate-Paws4Laughter-animal-rescue-benefit?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

Here are a couple of cuties from a transport in March. This a pic of a couple of brothers,  silly willy and sammy, rescued from a shelter and on their way to foster families awaiting new homes. Let’s help all the furfaces find love and happiness. Come support The Plainfield Area Humane Society.